The Ark

Whatever floats your boat...

One of my clients told me today that her daughter, who is now a college student announced at the height of intellectual capacity,(17 yrs for those of you who don't have children) announced that she had in fact decided on her life's mission. She wanted to be a sex therapist. Since I had not made one single inappropriate comment all day, and I was working on my last client of the day, and that's clearly against my principles, I asked, "Is she a 'hands on' kind of gal?". My client, fortunately has a sense of humor. Apparently I misunderstood what she meant. The kidlet wanted to counsel people with sexual issues. That is until she found out her patients might include child molesters, et al. She's changed her mind and is not studying clinical psychology.

Christine: DANA! WHY do you have all the brooms over here?
Dana: Might wanna take a trip.
Christine: But do you need ALL of them?
Dana: Might be a long trip.
Christine: No response but she made that face.

We have somewhere around 18-20 life sized animatronic halloween props. They never go away. They line the walls of the basement which is entirely appropriate as we have a 60" big screen and we watch almost exclusively, scary movies on it. Anyway, many of them are motion or sound activated. Mr. Scribbler turned them all off because the bug guy was coming. So, this big, burly, manly kind of man (said with mock deep voice and appropriate inflections) goes downstairs to rescue us from an annoying ladybug/salamander problem. We were sitting at the breakfast bar waiting for the guy to finish his bu exorcism ritual, when a headless bride, or perhaps a caldron stirring witch tried to make him feel at home. We immediately hear a scamper and what sounded like the Patriot's offensive line running up the uncarpeted stairs. The bug bursts through door, almost losing his footing and gallantly announces, "Okey dokey! All done!". Mr. Scribbler and I manage to hold in our hysteria until the pale faced and startled bug guy left the house. Guess we coulda' warned the poor guy.

I attended a workshop recently with four "celebrities". I didn't know a single one. Babak, a fashion photographer, Fateemah, a hairdresser who won Shear Genius, Mondo, a fashion designer and Yoanna House, who won America's Top Model, season 2. Here's a few of the quotes I kept because I thought they were funny.

"I KNOW you guys are down there thinking 'OH MY GOD I'm Magic!"
"I know I'm great, and do amazing hair, and fabulous and all, but there really is a place for humility."
"I'm hoping one of you guys takes this and does something wonderful with it and makes me famous. Oops! I already am!"
"It's sooo awesome! I just get to stand up here and be myself and everybody LOVES me!"
Well, not everybody.

One of my clients brought me a blog she wrote and asked me to read it. She then asked if I had any she could read. Um, sure. Ok. So, her blog was written about her cat. In first person. Or, first cat as it were. Full of little cutesy phrases like, "I had a purrfectly good home..." and "It gave me paws..."
She sat there intently waiting for me to giver her a response. The only thing that immedeiatley came to mind that wouldn't put me over my daily quota for inappropriate comments was "cuuuuuuute". Then, she read mine, And critiqued it. For the entire 45 minutes it took me to do her hair. Line by line. I've decided I don't like unsolicited criticism. I hope that doesn't affect my future as a writer.

...blogging is not dead...blogging is not dead...blogging is NOT dead...blogging is NOT dead...

Views: 65

Comment by NatureJunkie on October 28, 2011 at 3:43pm

Those lines of the workshop "celebrities" are incredible. But it occurs to me that you, too, could be a celebrity at that workshop if you adopted the right name.

 

I used to have a friend who is a writer. Occasionally she would give me her latest stuff to read. She would always offer it with the statement, "I'm not asking for a critique, just offering it to show you what I'm up to because you often ask." I found that perfect, because I was genuinely curious about her writing, but also relieved that she cut me loose from the burden of critiquing.

Comment by NatureJunkie on October 28, 2011 at 3:45pm
P.S. I hate *shivers and cringes* cutesy stories told in the first person from an animal's perspective. And any kind of mystery novel where a dog or cat solves the crime. *reaches for anti-nausea medicine*
Comment by JustAnotherUserName on October 28, 2011 at 3:56pm

Here's my critique:  I LOVE reading your blogs, and even your non-blogs!  You have a charming and funny and warm style that makes me want to keep reading.  

Where else do you post them?

Comment by Pypermarru1 on October 30, 2011 at 1:18pm

"I know I'm great, and do amazing hair, and fabulous and all, but there really is a place for humility." - hope this person was kidding, if not, they are a major douche nozzle. Reality T.V. has tripled the amount of jackballs that inhabit the world. Down with Reality!!! wait, that doesn't sound right?

 

I ask, NO, I DEMAND that when you write anything on the ARK, anything at all - I am to be informed immediately.  As your #1 blog fan, I think I've earned that right.  :0)

Sounds like you continually train or keep abreast of the latest hair things.  That is great.  I asked a hair stylist if it's possible to dye someones hair all grey, cause I've seen a couple women with really beautiful full grey hair that seemed to perfect.  She said that grey or white is hair void of color and you can't dye it that way.  Is this true? 

Love when I see you have put something on the ARK.

Comment by BlancheNoE on October 30, 2011 at 3:34pm

@ the celebrities - O-M-G. I would have been tempted to raise my hand and ask, " and you are ?...."

In my time working in the entertainment biz I found that the bigger the name the more humble they were and the smaller they were,..well the smaller they were. Except for Chuck Berry. He's an ass.

Enjoyed reading, thanks.

Comment by Dana (scribblers sanctuary) on November 23, 2011 at 11:29pm

Ruth - Thank you so much. I post at vloggerheads too as of recent. Sometimes on blogspot too although I don't know how to use it very well. Mostly here and vh. 

Pyper - I'm posting another blog in just a minute. AND, no, that isn't entirely true. WHITE hair still has3 yellows, 2 reds and 1 blue (all hair is brown and has this makeup) but the color molecules are either extremely diluted or dormant. GRAY hair has 1 yellow, 1 red and 1 blue. While gray isn't easy to make, it isn't impossible either. You just have to know how to do it. Redken has a color that has a gray background with blue and silver tones it in it that will make hair look gray. The trick is to completely remove any warmth. People do it all the time by accident. LOL

Amy - LOL I did admit at one point during the afternoon that I didn't know any of the "celebrities". 

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