Before the holidays, I posted about my oldest daughter coming back to live with us along with her new baby and her husband. I also mentioned about my 2 middle girls coming for the holidays for a visit. I had all of my girls here and I was on top of the world and the baby was just the icing on the cake.
Before they all got here, my house was so quiet. Amanda never fussed or argued...all in all, my house felt dead.
There has been more life in this house in the last month. I have gotten out of bed every day and not had any inclination to crawl back into bed. Before, it was rare if I got out of bed. There has been a lot of fighting, fussing and yelling and some days my blood pressure would go through the roof... but it was still so good to have them all around. To make new memories with them, to heal some of the old memories.
Well, its about to come to an end. Not only are my two middle girls leaving this sunday, but Aley, my oldest, has decided to move back to Louisiana with her baby and her husband. Her husband has a son by his first wife and he has just been missing him to much. I can't argue with him about that.. but my heart is broken into a million pieces.
I don't know if it is because the baby is leaving or if it is just that everyone seems to be going all at once, but I feel so distraught and I just can't get a handle on my emotions. I can't even talk to any of the girls, I just keep crying. I really want to enjoy the last few days that they are here,so I am going to try to really reign it in some. I can't imagine anyone else taking care of my grand baby. I'm worried about my 19 year old because she keeps having seizures, my 23 year old is going back to a situation that is just going to be full of stress for her (she is a nanny to 2 little girls whose parents are about to get separated and eventually divorced). She wasn't going to go back, but the kids mom asked her to go back to help them with the transition.
The fact is that they are all adults and I know my oldest is a good mom to Reighlan. I just love them all so much and this visit has been so wonderful and I was expecting Aley and Mike to be here for at least 2 years, not 2 months. I feel like Reighlan isn't going to really know me. I don't want to be a telephone gramma...There is just nothing to do about it.. my heart is shattered and I feel like my life is just going to go back to being so empty....