The Ark

Whatever floats your boat...

Today I went to an OA Meeting (over eaters anonymous) that is a 12 step program for people who compulsively eat.  I decided to utilize a 12 step program because I feel it is my best chance first of all to create a network, 2nd of all, I feel it offers me the best opportunity for extended success.

 

I wasn't sure I was going to get there.  I decided last night to go...but this morning, fear set in. Fear of meeting people I didn't know.  Fear of having to stand up and say I had lost control of my life.  Fear of being vulnerable in front of people I didn't know.  But going was one of the first things I promised myself and I knew I had to do it. So I called my sister and asked her to join me and she did.  (thanks Syd)

 

It was a little uncomfortable for me.  There was a lot of talk about your higher power and I am not really comfortable with all of that quite yet.  But there were a few things that really struck a cord for me.  The first step is to acknowledge that you need help and that your life is out of control.

 

I acknowledge that my life is unmanageable and out of control.  I acknowledge that my overeating is a symptom and not the cause of my problems.  At the core of it, I need to be fat to protect myself. I fear intimacy.  I don't want people to want to touch me, I don't want to be hugged, I don't want people to breath the same air as me.

 

My fat is a my shield.

Views: 16

Comment by SydTheSkeptic on June 11, 2011 at 1:45am

And tomorrow, the GYM!!!  Woohoo!!!!

You rock, sis.

I'm really glad you're close by, even if it's just for the summer. 

AND

I promise to ask before hugging if you promise not to secretly touch my food.

Comment by JustAnotherUserName on June 11, 2011 at 11:19am
You're both amazing women <3
Comment by Marie on June 11, 2011 at 12:54pm
Comment by Pypermarru1 on June 12, 2011 at 11:38am

I hear all those "anonymous' groups are religiously based.  Not any particular type of religion but a kind of higher power helper.

I'm glad to hear you are got some important stuff from the meeting. Keep going if it helps you make the improvments you want.  I know you are scared but you took the first steps.  Keep being brave, lady :0)

Comment by Geoff on June 13, 2011 at 12:03pm

Dee, a lot of people who try the 12 step route are a little put off the higher power business. If it continues to hinder you from committing to the program look online for others doin' the twelve step who feel the same way. I know that there are actual 12 step groups geared for agnostics and atheists. No reason to leave the group you are in now, but you can find out what little modifications the atheist overeaters (or alcoholics, or whoever) make and quietly apply it to your own situation so you don't have to struggle with an unfamiliar or unwelcome touch of religiosity.

 

Also, it is very possible that you will become more comfortable with the idea of a higher power over time. It could even become very central to your life. That does happen.

Comment by SydTheSkeptic on June 13, 2011 at 12:12pm

When they broke into a little prayer, Dee and I looked at each other and she half-chuckled.  By some pagan-based miracle, I managed to keep my composure.  That ain't gonna last. 

 

We are a clan of skeptics ;o)

Comment by Geoff on June 13, 2011 at 12:27pm
Syd continues to insist that there are no powers in the universe higher than her...
Comment by SydTheSkeptic on June 13, 2011 at 12:32pm
That's not true.  I defer to TwinkieJesus, pastry saint of the Holy House of Hostess.
Comment by JustDee on June 14, 2011 at 1:49pm

Its not the idea of God that puts me off, I just have trouble relating to Him.  I guess I just don't feel like this "higher power" really cares about how I feel or what I want.

 

Be that as it may, I think the 12 steps are important to me because it will help me focus on the issues that I need to change.  thanks for the encouragement everyone, it does help to know that there are people rooting for you.

Comment by BlancheNoE on June 15, 2011 at 6:11pm

I can feel your sister's pride from here, Dee. I barely know you and *I'M* proud of you.

Just keep moving forward and reaching out. Being a private person myself, I know how hard it can be to accept help much less ask for it, but I can tell you for sure that it's the only way to move forward sometimes.

Stay involved.

All the best to you.

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