Time: 18:14 EST
Location: Philadelphia International Airport, USA
Waiting for my plane. It’s a long wait but maybe that’s because I don’t want to get on board. I’m about eleven hours away from anti-climax.
The routine goes like this. I land. Collect my luggage. I go outside and am met by a friend or family member. This is a bittersweet moment as I’m happy to see them but with that comes the reality that I’m....home.
Home. That word should bring to mind images of happy times and loved ones. So why doesn’t it?
Everything from this point on has that clawing air of claustrophobia attached to it. From the dollars I just exchanged into pounds with the Queens polite but oh-so-serial-killerish smile to the prevalence of foreign-yet-familiar accents I can hear in ever increasing numbers. Even the song playing randomly on my ipod has just said the words “I’m going home”. Life has a sick sense of humour sometimes.
I’m looking through a reflection of myself in a fifteen foot tall window at a planes turbine. It looks so peaceful right now. Dormant. Waiting for the inevitable. Then again so does my reflection.
Time: 13:01 GMT
Location: My Parents house, UK
Nice to see everyone again. All is well. Nothing has changed, not even the things that should have. Having spent a few hours with the family it is now that everything becomes real. The anti-climax has arrived.
It’s now that the end of the road has come and gone and the blind optimism that maybe it wouldn’t has been replaced by a sense of loss and loneliness. My job is finished, my home situation has changed yet again and remains in flux, I have no transportation, no money and no incomings. Worse still I have nothing to look forward to. This isn’t me being bleak. This is simply how it is.
After four years of working for the same company I have absolutely nothing. It’s time to accept the reality that having made good long distance friendships and a ton of memories isn’t enough in terms of a career path.