A friend of mine recently said this to me in response to a comment I made on his blog,
"One of these days I'll learn to just turn on the fucking light... but the shock factor alone at seeing all the mess at one time would surly kill me, maybe that's why I can't find the light switch, hell there might not even be one, so stumble through this I will, and not gracefully might I add...lol ... I'm ok with that. "
It struck a chord with me because that is how I kind of view how I get through life, I stumble around in the dark, hoping one day to find the light switch, but I don't think I'm looking all that hard because the fact of the matter is that, seeing the whole mess all at once...might surely kill me. No I am much more content to stumble around and deal with each mess as I bump into it.
In a recent comment on one of my blogs, Syd jokingly suggested that when she starts her fear chronicles up again that I do them with her, the irony is that even though I knew she was kidding, it scared the bejeebers out of me. It scared me because I don't want to know what lies in the dark, I don't want to know what is waiting around the bend. I don't want to look at my stuff, Lord knows I look at the wreckage I leave behind me often enough, I don't think I have time to look ahead of me also.
So now, I am aware that I have been stumbling around in the dark and that this is probably not the best way to go through life...do I want to change it? I really don't know...I don't even know if I want to know, I guess I just wanted the universe to know that I know that I know that I'm doing it.