The Ark

Whatever floats your boat...

I guess the older I get, (and I'll be 60 on Nov. 13), the more cynical I have become.

The fact that the only two people who ever loved me unconditionally are gone

probably has a lot to do with this.


Then there are other people who say they 'love' me, yet they are on a new campaign

to put me in a nursing home. Why now? Because they are planning to retire to

Europe and feel that would be best for me. When my Mom was here, she was able

to dismiss their 'well meant' suggestions. My Mom and I supported each other in these

battles. Now it's two against one, and the two are adding other relatives to their



While I have said I refuse to go to a nursing home, I have agreed to sign the papers,

'in case of emergency' and to get them off my back.


All of this stress is having an adverse effect on my health, and just makes me very sad.

Views: 56

Comment by BlancheNoE on November 2, 2011 at 2:03pm

When you say you agreed to sign, does that mean you already signed, Kevin?

If not, don't. Muster your mother's energy. I know you can. Try to remember that the universe really is on your side. NOW,...have you considered an assisted living facility? I don't know how they are in your area but the ones here are really very nice. I had clients that were in their 70s, had multiple health problems and swore that they NEVER wanted to see the inside of a nursing home/ retirement home and they thought the assisted living facility was just a cruel disguise for either of the aforementioned. After touring it they became less skeptical and a month after they moved in, I'd never seen them so happy.

Still,....Kevin, it's your life and you need to stand up for yourself when there's no one else to do it.

If I've learned anything in the last 2 and 1/2 years it's that only *I* can be my own best advocate.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Comment by photo2010 on November 3, 2011 at 1:54am

Amy, signing the papers doesn't mean I have to go. Nobody has power of attorney over me, though they have tried to get it. Decent assisted living facilities cost about $6000 a month in CT, yes, a month. If I am cajoled to sign power of attorney papers, everything is off. Signing the nursing home papers only puts me on a rotating waiting list in case I actually need a nursing home at some point.


More and more I feel aligned with Syd's neighbor regarding nursing homes. That is not how I plan to

go out.


Oh! I WILL be talking with a very kind woman who works for the state and advocates for disabled

folks. She knows a lot about the legal stuff.


One thing that saddens me is how predictable the actions of my family are. They want to retire to

Italy and dump me in a home. Classic and fu**ed up.

Comment by photo2010 on November 3, 2011 at 2:35am

Amy, I forgot the most important thing!


Thank you! (((hugs)))

Comment by NatureJunkie on November 4, 2011 at 6:54pm

Hang in there, Kevin, and retain as much of your independence and autonomy as you possibly can. I think it's quite likely that even though your relatives have self-serving motives for wanting you to be "taken care of," they do probably love you. Love can be very convoluted, twisted and hurtful, especially in families. *sigh*


Having such worries is a helluva way to turn 60. But I hope you can find at least one wonderful thing to make that day worth celebrating. It's a milestone, and I'm glad you've made it.

Comment by photo2010 on November 7, 2011 at 3:53am

@NJ, Yes, I think my family loves me, but the last several years I have despised the browbeating they gave my Mom and me over this type of thing. When I asked my sister in law last week if she would like to live in a nursing home, she cut me off with "that's not relevant". Bullshit it's not! When I told them how much abuse goes on in nursing homes, she suggested I find one that has less abuse. They don't want to hear what i have to say.


Yes it is a helluva way to turn 60. At least my aide cares about me, even though I pay her, she treats me the way family should. Thank you for your kindness NJ. ;-)


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