The Ark

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I'm going to be a grandma..... and other things happening in my life

Please bear with me this week, life is about to change drastically.

OK so, here I am, I'm 45 years old and my oldest daughter recently shared with us that she is going to be having a baby in August. She is 23 and engaged and has a 4 year old step son. All she has ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. Although she is one of the brightest people I have ever known, she never wanted to have a fancy job or to change the world, her ambition was to raise her family to the best of her abilities. From what I can see of her now raising her step son, she is going to be and is an awesome mom. She sets limits when needed, is loving and pays attention to the little things and she never fails to tell her step son how important he is to her. I always told my kids, I don't care what you choose to do with your life as long as #1- it makes you happy and #2- you do it to the best of your ability.

So, it seems I am going to be a grandma. I am thrilled and happy and I am already thinking of all the things I can make for the baby's layette. A comforter, some receiving blankets, the whole bedroom set if my daughter will let me... I want to go and help her decorate the room.. I'm thinking baby jungle animals will be cute. I'm thrilled really, but....

There is always a but....I'm only 45, still relatively young, I think, I'm not sure I am ready to be a grandma. The truth is that I had my tubes tied after my youngest child was born 13 years ago. Its not like I wanted to have more kids. And the fact is that I have already begun that next phase in my life when, even if I wanted more kids, my body is pretty much done. It only just hit me a few months ago that I would never again hold my own baby. That made me so sad because there is just something so special about sitting with your infant, rocking them to sleep, feeling one of the deepest connections you could ever feel....I was really going to miss that and then just two weeks later, I found out, I was going to be a grandma.

Is the feeling the same if the child isn't "yours"? I know I will love him/her, but will I have that deep loving connection that I felt with my girls? I hope so because there is nothing like it.

Other things that are going on... well, aside from my oldest, I have 3 other girls. Kim is going to 22 in a few days, Kate is 18 and Amanda is 13. Amanda goes to school but Kim and Kate have pretty much just been living off my husband and I. Neither of them have been working and their excuse is that they hate TN and want to go back to NY. Well, my husband and I have pretty much had it with this attitude, so, we are buying them bus tickets back to NY. Kim is going to go live with her ex-boyfriends mother in what is basically a slum. No offense to his mother, she does the best that she can, but it annoys me that my daughter would rather go and live in this place then stay here with us. I tell myself that she needs to leave the nest if she is ever going to spread her wings... and if this is what she needs to do to stand on her own two feet, then I guess I have to let her go. Kate (and her boyfriend, who has also been living off of us for the last 6 months) are moving back to NY. He will have a job waiting for him when he gets there and she will have to look for a job. Apparently, his cousin has found a place for him to live, so at least they will have a roof over their head. I just worry about Kate because she suffers from epilepsy and last month decided to go off of her meds. So I worry about her taking care of herself... at least they are moving to a safe neighborhood...

I have mixed emotions about this because on the one hand, I want to keep my kids close by so that if they need me, I can be there. However, I recognize that they will never grow up as long as mama bear is around to fend for them. I want them to want to stay and want to pitch in around the house. However, the fact of the matter is that they are very mean to their younger sister and have gotten into more then one physical fight with her and they cause me stress that is more then I can deal with. I am going to miss them intensely, however, I'm sure that I will eventually get over it....

Views: 6

Comment by spacemonkey1310 on January 27, 2009 at 4:21pm
Congratulations on becoming a grandma : )

Speaking as a son who's father always wants to look after his children, (sometimes to a fault) it's best to let them go, live their way, make mistakes, learn and recognize what they have.

Hope things work out for the best.
Comment by JustAnotherUserName on January 27, 2009 at 4:31pm
I'd rather gouge my eyes out than have another baby :-) But that's just me....
Comment by JustAnotherUserName on January 27, 2009 at 4:34pm
Comment by JustDee on January 27, 2009 at 5:44pm
@spacemonkey... your words are very true. We all need to make our own mistakes and learn from our own experiences.. I know this in my heart.. but.....I want them to do it where I can see them... irrational... I know... but true
@ Ruth... I would rather gouge my eyes out then have another baby too....but the fact that I can't is what bothers me...LOL
Comment by Jim on January 27, 2009 at 6:52pm
Hey, Dee. In several years I'll be facing an empty nest as well. I have one son, and he means the world to me. I look forward to having fewer parental responsibilities, more free time, and the freedom to do what I want. But will I miss him? You bet I will. I can't imagine him at this point navigating in a big city by himself, but eventually, I'm going to have to let go, too. It's all part of being a parent, isn't it? Enjoy your grandchild. Maybe you'll get a boy this time, who knows? =)
Comment by JustDee on January 27, 2009 at 7:05pm
@ Jim- a boy.. why would I want a boy?

my husband tells me he gave me boys.. but I broke them...LOL
Comment by photo2010 on January 27, 2009 at 8:00pm
Dee, congratulations! I think it is great to be as young as you are and be a Grandmother. I hope everything works out for you and all your children. :-)
Comment by Jim on January 28, 2009 at 10:23pm
You're Syd's sister? Cool! =)
Comment by JustDee on January 28, 2009 at 10:37pm
@ Hol- syd is already a "great" aunt...
my daughter, the one having the baby lives about 10 hours away.. but we talk all the time.
@Jim- yes, I am syds is cool. thanks


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