Pirates vs. Ninjas

Comment by NatureJunkie on September 16, 2010 at 3:42pm

Why are the Ninjas taking office jobs in New York, when clearly, there is work to do off the coast of Somalia?

Comment by Josiah on September 16, 2010 at 11:00pm

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Testimonial:

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that ninjas have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).


Q and A:.

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.


Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?

A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)

Comment by Josiah on September 16, 2010 at 11:01pm

The Pirate Dance



SCENE 1:



The scene opens up with some soft annoying music to get the audience super pissed. The camera will show a bunch of pirates eating chicken buttholes. Fortunately, a ninja sees everything and realizes what a bunch of bull crap it is. So this one ninja walks up to them and is like, “Yo what’s your problem?” The camera zooms directly on a pirate’s mouth, which states “Get out of here now.” and buttholes fall all over the silverware. Then the camera cuts to the ninja’s mouth with says “No,” but nothing gross happens. The audience then sees ninja pull out a huge guitar which is really medium sized and wails. But the pirates don’t explode, they start to dance.........hard, harder than the hardest blackest boner alive. And when they dance, the pirates look like a bunch of crabby and stupid moms. Everybody in the entire world craps their pants laughing at the pure stupidity of the pirates. But the ninja has A.D.D. and starts losing energy/power and the pirates start stopping dancing. (There will be some suspense filled violins and guitars playing so that the audience gets scared and/or pumped-scared.) In several motions, the pirates come toward the ninja. BUT, out of nowhere this bad ass lake appears and a huge hippo busts out of it hard. Water sprays everywhere, including the pirates’ shirts (which causes their boobs to barely appear through their shirts). Most pirates are like “This can’t be happening!” The hippo says “Guess what, it is.” and slaps five with ninja pretty hard. And the ninja says “let’s rock brother.” They both pull out expensive guitars and start wailing on them really really hard. Since the ninja can’t concentrate, the hippo thoughtfully guides his hand, because they are blood brothers till the end of time and space. Then the pirates all morph into this tiny diaper and the hippo and ninja morph into a super poop-filled baby that takes the biggest frigg’n dump in the pirate/diaper. The pirates’ scream turns into a crap-gargle (this will make audience laugh gregariously). The ninja's A.D.D. heals and the two buddies/brothers smoke cigarettes and get ice-cream and pop, which they enjoy a lot.





The End

Comment by Josiah on September 16, 2010 at 11:02pm

The King's Gold/Babes





Scene 1:

In the olden days, there was this sweet king that had mounds of gold and babes. These pirates decided to steal the mounds and surrounded the castle and everybody freaked, except the king who was like “Chill homies, I’ll handle this crap.”



The pirates stood outside the castle walls and were like “You think you are so cool, but guess what, you’re not. Good luck dying!” Then the king replied “Yeah right. How would you like to meet my best friends?”



Then out of nowhere there was a small sound of a guitar wailing really really hard behind the hills. The wailing started getting louder and louder and louder. Then out of nowhere there was this one sweet ass ninja standing on top of a huge hill. Everybody was like “Woooooooooooow!” He was wearing all black and he had this jet red guitar in his hands. Then smoke smoked over the hills like trains. But the smoke was ninjas. And the pirates saw about a billion ninjas with guitars standing on top this his huge hill. And they started to wail…



When the ninjas wailed on their guitars, the pirates started spraying diarrhea on each other and loved it. And when they wailed harder, the pirates sprayed harder. As the ninjas sauntered down the hill, the pirates’ chests and butts exploded. (They died from this.) Then the ninjas finally reached the boss pirate who was really huge. Out of nowhere the boss pirate pulled out this baby banjo and tried to fiddle with it like a little baby-baby. The ninjas were like “Yeah right.” and all the billions of ninjas surrounded the boss pirate. Half of the ninjas all combined to form the biggest guitar in the universe. The other half formed the second biggest boner in the universe. Then the huge guitar pointed right at the pirate, who was like “Holy CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!” Before the pirate could even do anything, the super boner slapped against the guitar making the hugest wail ever to happen anywhere ever. The pirate exploded so hard that every single one of his kids he would have had exploded and all of his grandparents exploded along with his neighbors and people who he merely said “hello” to.



Then there was this huge concert at the castle. All the babes in the castle morphed into this humongous female crotch. The huge boner and crotch porked softly, while slamming into the guitar and wailing. And guess what, the king sat on top of this huge pile of gold and babes and laughed his frigg’n ass off about how stupid the pirates were.



END



-this script is so hot it could make Janet Reno open up a paint can with her ding dong.

Comment by BlancheNoE on September 16, 2010 at 11:12pm

It took me 8 minutes to watch the Pirates vs. Ninja movie. It took me 10 minutes to read Josiah's comments,....and I'd do both again. Thanks.

Comment by Arkian Michael on September 18, 2010 at 8:19am

i was hoping for a love scene butt! that would be rated RRRRRRRRRR

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