I opened the audio file you sent me thinking I knew what to expect. After all, you did send me an email before that telling me you were about to send a recording of a song you did and that you wanted my honest opinion about whether you sucked or not. You mentioned all those rejects from American Idol who maybe didn’t have someone to tell them the truth and so, that’s what you wanted- my honest opinion. Sisterly sugar-coats suspended (as if they ever really existed), I was fully prepared to be straight up, as requested.
But I didn’t anticipate what came rushing in the moment I heard you singing.
All the memories...and
that song…
Almost heaven
West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountain
Shanondoah River
Growing up, we almost always shared a room. If it was bunk beds, I’d be on top. If it weren’t bunk beds, we tied them together, like boats, to keep from drifting apart in those imaginary gales, remember? We threw all we cared for onto them and held on tight while the storm raged around us.
That’s what came at me when I heard you sing. My big sister and me playing and laughing- so hard and so loud that Mom yelled at us from the other room, “Get to sleep in there, NOW!” But you know, as the story goes, we couldn’t stop. Mom finally got around to coming at us with the wooden spoon- but not before you hastily stuffed that small pillow on my backside…so that it wouldn’t hurt.
And then every once in a while, that song.
The lights would go out and for a few minutes we’d stir about under our covers, restless and wide awake. The sound of you shifting from side to side was a reminder I was never alone in that darkness. And just as I began wondering if you’d drifted off, your voice would peek out from the silence and you’d ask if I would sing you a song.
There were about a dozen that you’d start singing and we’d go through them all in a half whisper. I can’t remember them now, but this is what came in when I heard your voice singing tonight- that it was one of those songs. It was
your song.
Life is older
older than the trees
younger than the mountains
blowing like a breeze
It came rushing over me, Dee. The memory of something so special- a young girl without the wisdom of experience couldn’t possibly know how golden the moment was- how precious a thing she had in the love of her sister. It’s so clear from a distance of time and space just how important your companionship was to me. It makes me wonder if that’s what’s made me so secure in my own solitude as an adult- that my sister was there in the darkness, always…I’d close my eyes and fall asleep with the knowledge of your presence. You may have been the one that gave me a sense of security that couldn’t be found beyond our bedroom door.
You asked me to be honest, and this is it- I’m telling you the truth: your voice is as pure as it was thirty some odd years ago. I can’t help but hear that child singing in the darkness. To me, it’s an angel’s voice that is only now making herself known to me.
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