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The Night Before the Day That Came After

In September of the year 2000, My brother died under very mysterious circumstances in New Orleans.
He was an expert commercial diver who trained for years at his craft. His specialty was dry-suit diving, where the depths were so deep that he would have to spend hours, sometimes days in a decompression chamber before being able to safely enter the normal land atmosphere again. He died face down in 3 inches of water on the side of a road. The police would not allow us to see his body, even to identify him. The police report seriously conflicted with interviews we conducted with the 2 witnesses concerning the events of the night he died. It is like a different country there. My life long battle with insomnia suddenly became much more than a nuisance.
I spent the next 6 months in psychologists and doctors offices trying to find a way to sleep for more than a few hours a week. I changed my evening habits and tried every available drug. Valium would allow me 2 hours at a shot and at the time that was a huge gift. Finally, it was time that began to heal me. Little by little I began to sleep longer each night until I normalized by about mid-summer of 2001.
On the day of September 10th, 2001, I woke up feeling all of the crushing anxiety I'd worked so hard to recover from. I was jumpy all day and I had a feeling very similar to what I feel when I'm having a particularly nasty precursor to my feminine monthly event,even though it was no where near that time. I knew I wouldn't sleep that night and I didn't.
I crawled out of bed on the morning of the 11th dreading the bad acid trip of a day I knew I'd have for lack of sleep. My job requires ridiculous amounts of multitasking which is challenging even on a full night's sleep. I am not a morning TV person and I did not yet have a computer so I had no idea what was going on in the outside world until I got to work. I must have looked very disheveled, because when I walked in the door my boss said,
" , you know then ? "
My brain function was so slow and foggy and for a moment I thought to myself 'they caught Charlie's (my brother's) murderers and it's national news.'
My boss turned and motioned for me to follow him down the hall to his office where I could hear a news announcer, sounding very stunned and emotional and together, my boss and I watched the second plane hit, live on TV.
My world, your world, our world has never been nor will it ever be the same.

Views: 9

Comment by JustAnotherUserName on September 11, 2009 at 12:25pm
Chilling. All of it, Amy. I trust you're sleeping better these days. xo
Comment by spacemonkey1310 on September 11, 2009 at 1:55pm
For me that moment in 2001 was one of those that I had often heard about but never experienced. The kind of moment my parents would call a "JFK moment". You know, a "you always remember where you were when you heard about it" moment.

This will be my fourth September in the USA and it is always a moving and disturbing experience in equal amounts. My thoughts are with those directly or indirectly affected.

Amy I hope you sleep better and feel better too.
Comment by BlancheNoE on September 11, 2009 at 2:34pm
@Ruth- you trust correctly (sideways smiley here), kiss and hug back to you.
@Space- Yes, it is a "JFK Moment". Thanks Space. I only get the insomnia 1 or 2 nights a month now during my special time *rolls eyes and hopes to be male in the next incarnation* so no worries there. I hit the life-mate lotto and I am so, so fortunate in that my husband offers unlimited amounts of comfort to me.
@ Sara- you said "It's not like a tragedy where someone is gone and we know." exACToFUckinMUNdo. THIS is exactly why my brother's death and 911 will forever be married in my mind. The 'WHY ?' of it. My heart hurts for you, John, those children and anyone who was affected. That live footage which was later edited, censored and/or disappeared from the media seems so clear in my mind. I question whether I've self-enhanced it,...did I really see what I think I saw ? *sigh* We love you guys too.
Comment by Cluelesswonder on September 11, 2009 at 5:11pm
I remember 9-11 as the day I knew my child would know war. I remember holding my 8 month old baby and telling him "I am sorry"...That moment and ONLY that moment...I question why I brought my son into this horrible world. That feeling was washed away when I looked into my son big green eyes and saw hope and love.
I am not as sad as years following the tragic event. To be honest, I feel angry that it happened. Still feel angry about it and the events that followed it.
Bless you Amy!!
Comment by SydTheSkeptic on September 11, 2009 at 7:51pm
Amy, if you should ever feel compelled to reload the Charlie vids, that would be most welcome. :o)
Comment by Chig on September 12, 2009 at 2:21am
I second Syd's suggestion...
Oh and if you have an extra 5 million laying around check out

E-Bay Gonga Deal
Comment by Pypermarru1 on September 12, 2009 at 11:00am
This is the first I have heard of Charlie. I would love to see some Charlie vids. I hope you decide to upload.

My world, your world, our world has never been nor will it ever be the same. That about summs it up perfectly. Agreed.
Comment by NatureJunkie on September 17, 2009 at 1:48pm
I read this the first time almost a week ago. The enormity of 911 is so great that I never know what to say about it. Behind the obvious tragedy of it is the fate of so many people that will never be known with absolute clarity, and the knowing seems important.

Twenty years ago a 13-year old girl vanished from the school where I worked. The police now have a lead in her case, and when I heard that on the news this week, I felt relief. Maybe we'll all know at last. It won't make the grief into something else, but it will bring, I don't know, something.

I hope you find out someday what happened to Charlie. In the meantime, I'm joining the other lobbyists who would like to see the Charlie videos.
Comment by luvdabun on November 12, 2009 at 10:03am
processing slowly. speechless and don't want to even try to form a word.. we do know how to do one thing well.. ~bunnie hugs~


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