The Ark

Whatever floats your boat...

I've been enjoying a site called College seniors are invited to sum up their thesis in a single sentence (though some use two or three). This is a random sampling; students are contributing more every day.

I spent my fieldwork alone in my room with a case of dysentery, but, y’know, here are some things I already knew before I left that cast doubt on 40 years of linguistics. Relatedly, that country can officially go fuck itself.

Anthropology, Vanderbilt University

Novel heuristics for intractable problem turn out to be intractable

Mathematics, New College of Florida [Note: I'm pretty sure this was plagiarized from original work by Chig]

What the fuck does “medieval” even mean and why is this shit so Eurocentric?

History, Mount Holyoke College

It turns out that old people prefer old age homes full of young, attractive people

Hospitality Management, Penn State University

It depends.

Law, Harvard University.

I compare the US and South Asia and imply that you are racist.

Ethnicity, Race, and Migration, Yale

Sometimes an insane amount of water comes flying down a mountain, and people die and get hurt. If we planned a bit better, it’s likely that fewer people would. Let’s do that.

Environmental Studies, Yale

Funny how no one knows what funny is.

Cognitive Science, Yale

Monsters are either villainized or overly sentimentalized or convenient metaphors for teenage angst or some combination thereof and fuck it I’m just going to make a career of publishing trite supernatural erotica

Folklore & Mythology, Harvard

Views: 68

Comment by ThatGirl on January 5, 2014 at 8:04pm

Yale wins from THIS sample list! ah, the thought of Thesis/dissertation writing makes me so nauseous. Bunch of redundant/pretentious BS no one ever reads, and no student ever wanted to write! Imagine the potential for creativity and actual sharing of the final result if students were permitted to choose the medium of expression! but nah,,,why fix a brokeazz archaic ritual similar to Hazing?  Graduate school is torture in so many ways, people are starting to ...

Comment by BlancheNoE on January 6, 2014 at 8:08am

I thoroughly enjoyed these and the healthy dose of cynicism almost made me feel optimistic. This is the kind of stuff Jack Handy ( old Saturday Night Live skit ) would have been writing if not for the censors.

Comment by Chig on January 6, 2014 at 9:05pm


Ah... I missed a lot this weekend while I was working on an intractable programming solution for a intractable data pull which I am sure will ultimately be a futile and intractable data set  to heuristically  understand that which can't be and will probably end up in some novel published study somewhere which I can only hope will not mention my participation.

Comment by NatureJunkie on February 22, 2014 at 9:57pm

"Funny how no one knows what funny is."

That's too good for college. Woody Allen, Mark Twain, James Thurber, Dorothy Parker. I could hear any of them saying that. Cognitive scientists, I guess, all of them. Mercifully, they all knew enough to skip their thesis.


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