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It hurts all the time. The moments of waking up in the morning, (or at 4am), may be the worst.
That's when the realization that my Mom isn't here hits like a wall. I want to talk to her again.
I do talk to her, and to my Dad..but...

I hired help 24/7 for the first two weeks. Since I am disabled, I was afraid to be alone. I've had
to cut back on the hours because the cost is prohibitive. I may have to take a reverse mortgage
on my condo to pay for continuing help. I need the companionship more than anything right now.

I'm thinking of speaking to a grief counselor. The hospice that was here for my Mom offers it.

I feel tremendous guilt that my Mom spent the last six weeks of her life in a nursing home and
hospitals that treated her very badly in my opinion. They let her fall out of her wheelchair three
times. When she came home she was bruised all over. I am only grateful that she was able to
be home for that one day and I told her I loved her.

I'm sorry..I can't write anymore.

Love to all who have been kind to me.

Kevin


Views: 12

Comment by JustDee on April 14, 2010 at 1:44am
Kevin,
been thinking a lot about you. I am so sorry for your loss. I agree about the grief counseling, but find a group, not just single counselor. I have found, for myself at least, that this helps on many levels. First of all, you aren't just talking one on one with someone who might or might not know or really understand the depth of your pain. In peer counseling, not only do you have the benefit of being around other people who have gone through and are going through what you are, but you find companionship as well.

Many years ago, I joined a peer counseling group of young mothers, and I found it to have been the most healing of all the counseling I have ever had in my life. Not only were there other women that were in the same place as I, but they were there when group was over too. We formed friendships and met outside of group very often. We helped each other through some really rough times...I think what you need more then anything right now, are some friends who know how you are feeling...

Know that you are in our thoughts.
Comment by AnnelidaFilms on April 14, 2010 at 3:19am
My Dad passed away March 24. He lived 3000 miles away, so we didn't talk much these past few years, but I get to talk to him all the time now. See a counselor, grieve but don't let it consume you, and stay busy. We honor our parents by carrying on. You'll make it through this.
Comment by photo2010 on April 15, 2010 at 11:23am
JustDee..finding a group is not an option for me for health reasons. I may request a visit from a grief counselor..I am still sorting out my thoughts/emotions, it's a rollercoaster right now..mostly downhill. For companionship..the aides I have are my angels right now. One has been with us since before my Mom got sick and spent time with her in the hospital when I couldn't. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

AF..I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. Not being able to do much for health reaasons makes it hard to keep busy. I'm trying. Thank you for your kind comments.

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