It hurts all the time. The moments of waking up in the morning, (or at 4am), may be the worst.
That's when the realization that my Mom isn't here hits like a wall. I want to talk to her again.
I do talk to her, and to my Dad..but...
I hired help 24/7 for the first two weeks. Since I am disabled, I was afraid to be alone. I've had
to cut back on the hours because the cost is prohibitive. I may have to take a reverse mortgage
on my condo to pay for continuing help. I need the companionship more than anything right now.
I'm thinking of speaking to a grief counselor. The hospice that was here for my Mom offers it.
I feel tremendous guilt that my Mom spent the last six weeks of her life in a nursing home and
hospitals that treated her very badly in my opinion. They let her fall out of her wheelchair three
times. When she came home she was bruised all over. I am only grateful that she was able to
be home for that one day and I told her I loved her.
I'm sorry..I can't write anymore.
Love to all who have been kind to me.