Whatever floats your boat...
Chig posted these. Send complaints to him or make him cut down a cactus.
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
Damn. My urge to do that has just trippled.
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.
Nobody likes a prematurely fired gun.
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term.
I hope you're paying attention, Chig.
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.
Best avoid pronouncing it altogether.
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.
Vitamins? They should be illegal.
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor (Denver).
So the guy two appartments down the hall is ok? Makes sence.
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces.
It's a law of the universe. Only Connecticut has the courage to make it official.
It’s illegal to get married on a dare.
I would personally end that sentence three words earlier.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.
How 'bout pussy or sissy nana booboo?
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.
Good. My giraffe is remains the cheapest means of transportation.
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.
They must have some ugly mannequins in Georgia. Or some really detailed ones.
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat.
Dry Land exists! I have seen it!
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds.
So that his sweetheart may one day weigh the same as 8 boxes of candy.
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).
Again a sentence that needs to be shortened by 3 words.
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
The value of cookie however will remain "delicious".
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits (Natoma).
How about grenades?
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.
Oh I can just feel my water meter spinning.
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault.
Biting someone without teeth is hilarious assault.
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined.
Now here's a law I can get behind. Much too tame though.
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore).
I am a model citizen of Baltimore and I have never even been there.
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car.
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
Note how it doesn't say anything about cutting her husband's hair. While he is asleep.
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet (Harper Woods).
I just like painting sparrows, man! Can't a guy have a hobby?
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance).
Sometimes old, bitter people with too much time on their hand do win cases in court I see.
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns.
Makes sence. Who the hell are you gonna shoot with a toy cap gun. It's pointless.
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
Proposed by a man who just lost half his assets because of it.
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously.
Is that beef stew? The law says soup. Sorry, sir, but you're gonna have to come with us.
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women.
I'll just stay the fuck away from Nevada then.
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
While the house always wins, passers by might occasionally loose their appetite. Legislators had to act.
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
Strike the last four words here.
Females may not appear unshaven in public.
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.
Spiderman, you're BUSTED! Don't give me that look.
It’s against the law to sing off-key.
Mindwipe's from the UK, right? Damn.
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
It's for your own protection. I guess.
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual.
Nobody's getting a good night's sleep in Ohio.
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger.
All or nothing, bro.
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried.
Hmmm. Drip dried dishes. Wait, what are we talking about here?
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Take your perverted fridge loving ass out of my sight, scum.
You may not bite off another person’s leg.
"WTF, dude? There oughta be a law against this shit. *browsebrowsebrowse* AHA!!!"
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.
Also, while not required by law, staying sober is highly recommended.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
Precedent: Man walks into cheese factory. "The hell is that smell?! AWWW! Get the fuck outa here!"
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.
Fill'em with weed!
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
What about grenades? srsly, I'm not standing up.
It is illegal not to drink milk.
In Utah, lactose intolerance is being treated the same as any kind of intolerance. It will not be tolerated.
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
Wouldn't want to risk aggravated assault.
Tickling a woman is unlawful.
Want me to stop? Make me.
Oh, hi, officer...
It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy.
This law proves that even poor people are able to give birth to perfectly good douchebags.
If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence.
Says nothing about shooting the pussy regardless. Interesting.
Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant.
It's not a law, it's a way of life.
Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April.
It's when they really let themselves go.