Clutter is becoming a metaphor for my life. Not just the clutter of papers, unopened mail, boxes from Amazon, and electronic junk I see, but the clutter in my head. That's the worst clutter, the stuff I wake up with that is a part of what keeps me from moving forward. In fact, moving forward has become a meaningless phrase to me. That's partly what chronic pain does to you. I have literally been to between 30 to 50 doctors in the past 20 years in an effort to get pain relief. They are so afraid of prescribing pain medications for whatever reason, they gave me nothing. I have tried anti-depressants, which sometimes help with pain, but my body didn't tolerate the side effects. There is nothing to treat the demyelination in my spinal cord, (transverse myelitis), so I take Tylenol, which does next to nothing. The pain and numbness is similar to peripheral neuropathy, which some diabetics get. (I am not diabetic)
Well, I don't know where I'm going with this blog. Sometimes it helps a little to put things in writing. Believe it or not, I am a positive person. If I weren't, well, I've got a ton of pills, but I don't want to go there. I'm still hoping for stem cell research, if I can hold out.