I can't let go.

[photo2010]

New Year's. Time for resolutions. Time to ring in the new, let go of the past. But there's one thing I can't seem to let go of. Exactly nine years ago this week, I had to quit the job I loved, the job I had for over 18 years, and go on permanent disability. This was a decision I did not make lightly or easily. In fact, I worked in pain for the last 12 years of my job, until I couldn't anymore. I was the photojournalist for a university. I had been educated in photography, paid my dues doing weddings and senior portraits, and ultimately got my dream job. Unfortunately, my job came with a price i didn't foresee. These were the days before digital photography. The days of silver, (film), photography, and developing that film, and making prints in the darkroom. Most darkrooms are in the basement of the building, as mine was. This was an old building with a stone exterior. The basement was very cold and damp. So damp there was visible mold growing on my office walls. When I complained about the mold, painters would be sent over to cover it up. Over time, I began getting respiratory infections. I didn't connect it to the mold however, until later. Then I became more ill, seriously ill. Other people got sick who worked in that basement. One woman got cancer. I had even been warned to not drink the water from the water fountain, without explanation. Then one day I had trouble walking. My nervous system was being attacked by something. I had never been seriously ill before working in that basement. My supervisors KNEW there was a problem there, and lied to me that: "the air had been tested and it was safe". A bald-faced lie. I had to quit on disability in December, 1999. I will probably never be able to work again. I tried to get a lawyer to sue my employer, but they all said I couldn't prove it. I was too sick to fight. To add insult to injury, my employer's insurance stopped paying my disability benefit. Again, I tried to fight, but insurance companies do this knowing that most people are too ill to fight. A few years after I left my job, they condemned the floor I had worked on. They found mold, lead paint, and asbestos! In fact, they had to tear down and rebuild most of the building.
So, this is what I can't let go of. I had to leave the job I loved. I was lied to about the health danger, and I live in debilitating pain. There is more to the story, but that is enough for now. I try to be positive..but it's not always easy. I'm trying.

Kevin

[SydTheSkeptic]

Omigosh, Kevin. I knew you were on disability, but I didn't know why. There is absolutely no justice in this whatsoever. You must be tons more cynical than I am about corporations and their cavalier attitude around the safety and well-being of their employees. I am so angry for you, but not a pinch of the anger you must feel and live with on a daily basis.

UGH!!!!! This is the kind of thing that makes me want to go rogue in the dark doing subversive things. That's what happens when we feel alienated and powerless in the face of such oppressiveness. *sigh*

I'm very sorry for what's happened to you. There are individuals who knew something. Are you able to hire a private investigator, perhaps, to dig up anything that might substantiate the claims?

[photo2010]

Thank you Syd for your understanding words. I think the statute of limitations has run out in this case, I don't know. I asked several lawyers to take the case, they all said I can't prove cause and effect between the mold and my health. I even wrote to Erin Brockovich, you may remember the woman who investigated and helped win a case against a company that poisoned a town. She didn't write back. I don't have the energy or money to fight anymore. I have the article, written by the department I worked in, about the fact that nobody will ever be allowed to work in that basement again because of the high toxicity. I am angry and frustrated, but that anger will make my health worse if I allow it too. As you know, I already live with great stress..between my health and recent events with my Mom.
I will tell you one more thing which may or may not shock you..my employers were
Jesuits, and it was a Jesuit who warned me to not drink from the water fountain. So yes, someone knew.

[SydTheSkeptic]

Very sad, indeed. I wonder...if someone who maybe has a conscience would be willing to come forward (with immunity, perhaps). Would it hurt to try to appeal to individuals whom you suspect knew at the time? You never know if someone's lookin' for redemption...?

On the other hand, you have a good point about not letting this stuff compound your current situation.

It's just that part of me that wishes I could help...

[photo2010]

Daniel,
Thank you for your kind words.

Happy New Year,
Kevin

[photo2010]

Syd,
You have helped me, just by offering your thoughts. :)

I may pursue this again..we'll see.

[photo2010]

Syd,
BTW, you have my blessings to go "rogue in the dark". I can let
you know precisely where to start... ;-)

[SydTheSkeptic]

Too late, the feds are on me.

[photo2010]

The feds..oh yah, I remember that news footage, lol.

[photo2010]

Sedona, Chig, Deborah, thank you for your ideas. I am also taking care of my 85 year old Mother, and that takes the little energy I have left. I did start writing my story down awhile back, but gave it up. My health condition affects my legs, and more recently, my hands. I do have my camera..but getting out is now a major task. I even bought a nice Canon digital camera a few years ago in the hopes of regaining
some of what I loved to do. If I can hold out long enough, maybe medicine will come up with something.
Sedona, I'm sorry you've been through such difficulties. I do what I can. I forced my condo board to put in a curb cut for wheelchairs, it took a Senator and head of my state's Fair Housing Association to make them do it. They didn't like spending the money, tsk tsk. So I rabble-rouse when I can, lol.

Chig, Thank you for your kind words. I've got a book idea in my head, even started writing it once..maybe I'll continue it someday. Unfortunately I don't have all the pictures I took to illustrate it, so I don't know if it would be that interesting. My former employer owns the pictures, and we're not on good terms..

Deborah, It does help to write about it. Thank you for your supportive words. :)

[JustAnotherUserName]

Kevin! I am so sorry for what you have been forced to go through. Were the attorneys you spoke with local? Mold, lead, asbestos....those are major hot-button topics that some lawyers spend their entire careers fighting. If you could write a really straight-forward factual account with a timeline including your diagnoses, I would suggest an email campaign to every law firm in the country that specializes in such cases. If you're interested, I'd be more than happy to help you look for firms to send it to. My entire background (almost 30 years--yikes!) has been spent in law firms and courtrooms. The fact that you have that letter and the fact that the building has been torn down for those reasons is a really powerful statement in your favor. Let me know...I really would be happy to help. xo Ruth