When do you stop trying?

[photo2010]

My Mom collapsed again today. She is doing 'ok' now. Paramedics checked her out,
she didn't want to go to the ER. Luckily she didn't hurt herself when she fell. I feel
horrible because I couldn't get to her this time. Because of my mobility issues,
all I could do is call 911. I also called two of my Mother's sisters who live nearby,
one of whom just called to berate me for allowing this to happen. I guess I don't
feel bad enough already as far as she's concerned.
I really feel like giving up..I mean on everything. Life has gotten too hard. If there
is a saturation point, I think I'm there..or on the brink. I can't visualize anything
that will help. My family just wants to dump my Mother and me in a nursing home.
I can't fathom that for myself, though it may be a positive thing for my Mother.
We have discussed it, and she says she doesn't want it either. But when she was
recently rehabilitating in a nursing home..she did seem to get stronger, even
though she said she didn't like it there.
I'm at a loss..

[photo2010]

To Deborah: We've had visiting nurses..but they're not here when something bad
happens. My Mom is basically pretty healthy for being 85. We have a couple helping us, they're asleep in the living room right now..not much help. So my Mom just needed a drink and she's angry because they're asleep, so she gets it herself. This is part of what I can't take anymore. Truly professional help is beyond our means. I've talked with social services..if you're not indigent, it's not available. Unless I'm getting bad advice.

To: Beth: I'm sorry you are dealing with all that. I don't think you or I really WANT to give up..but there is a limit to what we are capable of. I am in chronic pain and have been for years due to a rare neurological ailment. So when I mentioned giving up..I don't mean just on my Mom..I mean giving up. I have no objection to therapists, but I need pain relief more, and have been to many doctors.
Thank you for your thoughts. :)

[photo2010]

My doctors are idiots too. I NEED something for pain and they won't give me anything. So I take Tylenol, which does almost nothing and is bad for the liver. I'm sorry you suffer too. Some anti-depressants are known to help with pain, but I don't tolerate their side effects. I think your friend is on the Ark too? I remember reading about her. I'm sorry that she has suffered so much. I understand what she tried to do also..
I've been struggling for 20+ years. I know people who have suffered longer. For me it's a quality of life issue.
Thank you for listening. I am sorry that you understand because of your pain, but I appreciate that you do. :)

[photo2010]

Suze, thank you for your kind words. In many ways the emotional part is bad, but there's a definite connection to the physical. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

[photo2010]

Sedona, thanks for the hug and wishes. Here's one back, ((((((((HUG)))))))))) :)

[flophousepoodle]

I visited a friend in a nursing home today, some are better than others. But if you can get more help at home that's the best. Caregiving is rough - especially mentally.

[Dunleavy]

I am sorry to hear your Mom fell again but I'm happy to hear she didn't hurt herself.

If you have a nurse over then I believe the nurse should be woken up. This is their job.

My Dad passed away of cancer in June 2006 and I was his primary caregiver. I asked for help from family members but it was inconvenient for them since they all had families of their own. I am thankful for all the time I had to spend with my Dad and wouldn't change anything.

My Grandmother came to live with us when I was younger. She had a series of strokes, diabetes and poor blood circulation. She lost one leg because she had a sore which wouldn't heal on her toe and it turned into gangrene. She lost the other leg when she developed a bed sore on the other heel while in the hospital. My Mom insisted on taking care of her herself. She lived for many years that way. We finally convinced my Mom to put her in a home because although my Mom was trying as hard as she could, she was not capable of giving my Grandmother the proper care she needed.

Caregiving is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. It is even more so if you aren't completely healthy yourself. I understand you wanting to keep your Mom at home, but you need to ask yourself a question. Are you able to give your Mom the care that she needs and deserves?

I hope you don't feel like I'm attacking you on this because this is not my intention. Know I will be keeping you and your Mom in my prayers.

[photo2010]

To fhp: There is only one nursing home in our area that has a decent reputation. We plan to get on the waiting list, just in case.

[photo2010]

To Dunleavy: My Mom spent a month in what is considered the best nursing home in our county. She did improve there, but wasn't happy. However, we both plan to get on their waiting list as a back-up.