Inner Demons

[Dunleavy]

Sometimes I feel my heart will break.
It aches with such intensity
But I try to keep it under control.
I force it into a little iron box
And wrap it up so tight
So it seems it will surely smother.

I constantly tell myself
It is better to be alone.
When I am all alone,
No one can cause me pain or grief.
The only thing causing me pain
Is the fear and distrust within myself.

Lately, my heart has been rebelling
Against the stronghold I have chosen.
I haven't done a very good job
Of keeping it within it's walls.
The walls are beginning to crumble
Slowly and painfully, but an inner strength is present.

I don't want to feel.
I close my eyes and repeat it constantly,
Firmly with passion,
As if the very thought will overcome.
I wait for things to calm down
But they continue to build like raging winds.

The raging winds are pushing me out to sea
Until the only angry voice I hear is within me.
I tell myself one thing
But feel in my heart another.
I wonder if the two will ever become entwined
Into one peaceful motion.

For as long as I have inner demons
Fighting within me
I will never understand what true happiness is
Or what it can bring.
It is like a distant light
At the end of a long, dreary tunnel.

Twisted branches reach out for me
Trying to trap me and stifle my hope.
My heart struggles on, dragging me along
Beating hope, happiness and the promise of love
In a steady, certain rhythm.
And I wonder if this is only a dream.

May 31, 1996