笑里藏刀 Xiaò lǐ cáng dāo - Poem

Not your Alice-Basic Model or your nasty drug addled grandma mommy

No sleep- 3 months of braindrain-& 2 sniper attacks. ThisGirl has receipts, Jan 2019.

Don't respond to asking for more, because I've been through this Hell before.
So many times, I've forged a Path
Can find my way in the Dark

Lying about everything for years
No amount of asking brings an ANSWER, only Tears

See what other people miss
Got a Sixth Sense for This
Love promises It's Faithful Truth, Shoved Against a Wall Of Devotion
Asked to BELIEVE, time and again,
shamed for your Doubt - an excuse
No amount of time can heal this Abuse

Few people carry on An entire Life Built on Lies
incapable of Feelings For causing pain
It's Like skipping rope for them...while you suffer in vein

This Girl asks Am i safe from harm
and gets told.."she's gone she's gone, Never again, Just you, Only you"

People don't walk repeatedly into fire- they are lead by the trusted hand

ASKED for your Trust
Constantly asking for More, Pushing boundaries
Taking All your Love, but it's never enough
Pressured to Believe The most outrageous acts to Deceive
When they Prove they don't CARE about you- just BELIEVE

Gaslighting is a regular tool in the store, but doesn't work on This Girl AnyMORE

There IS No mystery or coincidence
No alternate History, No Defense
ThisGirl would not be here, if the truth was told--so Lie Lie some More

Fight Tooth And Nail to avoid facing the Truth
Disappearing acts make me jump through Hoops
So Proud of this world of Deception

There's never a reason to lie to someone you Love
Except to gain trust through deception
And Usher Them Blindly into the dark ...by the trusting hand - No redemption

Out into the light
it will be alright... someday

#BirdBox- now the blindfolds are off
If you stop supplying MN, The essence of your being will be attacked to demean and devalue you as a human being . They sabotage & punish when they sense closeness or exposure. No Emotion about Anything , Even when they Love.

Even with systems in place for when it gets unsafe, nothing can protect your heart & mind from the MN long-term relationship. They share Nothing, collect everything, encourage,coerce, cross boundaries-and setup a system of lies. Morality is not an issue, no remorse. They are always running several programs. They are Collectors & vampires.
I knew better but thought boundaries would help. Walking on eggshells is no way to live.

The facade cannot remain with a healthy individual, or when a relationship advances. They seek empaths to feed off their sincere emotions. Their world is better served by a codependent or another MN who will not question their actions-They will torment an empath or codependent, sometimes to self destruction. Hope can only last as long as you can survive attack despite your thresholds being exceeded. No one deserves that. I knew better. Thought I was equipped to handle it, but I made myself available, so it is my own fault.

"Nothing we can't Rebuild" - that's not how any of this works -.How many times can a girl rebuild the same thing the man keeps intentionally destroying? - December 2018