Need to know about Cancer and Just Losing in General.

[Cluelesswonder]

I know before reading this blog if you have a issue with me or my views..Please don't read. I posted on some personal views and kinda got like kicked for it. These are my views and feelings. Right now this is the only safe place for me because, I know a few of you have been though this and this is foreign territory for me. I am not doing this for sympathy but, for positive input and maybe just personal experiences.
When I blog here last time and deleted it because, it was trying NOT shut my day down and look at the positives in my life on 9-11...I was just told my husband was getting out of the Navy and we were losing our home and my mother kept on getting sick. Inside I had to focus on the small miracles in my life. On that same week though I found out my sister was having a baby....and for then I had a roof over my head and amazing children....
Now I am going though packing my house, trying to find a job, learning my daughter may not learn past the friggin' preschool from brain damage from when she was a baby when she almost died. So I know loss...
Three weeks ago my mom was in the hospital again with breathing problems and she went though some test and they found cancer cells in the fluid they drained from her lungs. Two weeks ago...we found out she had stage 4 "breast cancer". It's treatable and NOT cure able. I lost my father in 2002 of throat cancer. Both parents cancer was avoidable...They abused their bodies with alcohol and smoking. I saw my dad out of his mind with a friggin' tumor as big as a soft ball on the side of the neck and there was this smell....I thought it was an open wound smell..But, my mom smells the same way.
Does cancer smell?? or is it me??
I messed up a WHOLE bunch of times by calling a aunt without my moms consent, posting to friends on facebook (with my sister on there and my approach sucks sometimes), and calling her every morning and every hour after that asking if she was "o.K' to the point she would not take my calls.
Now we are moving in with her..and really I don't know if I can handle it. I can listen to her, hold her hand and give her her space..but, I always do something stupid to upset her..or not being able to help her when she needs it. I have BAD anxiety (to the point I never learned to drive past 5mph).
If anyone out here in ARKland has had experiences or can just tell me what to do..well just to listen I am asking...and if you have any resources for families and friends of cancer patients. I would Love the info. I found alot of stuff on people getting cured from cancer but, not stage 4 or how the families can prepare for it. I only lost my dad but, he was sick years before he died. Mom we only just found out.

[JustAnotherUserName]

I would definitely suggest hospice. They were sweet, gentle angels to me and my family when my son died. His prognosis was so bad at diagnosis that he was actually in hospice for nearly 2 years. He just kept smiling and not dying for awhile.

The American Cancer Society is a wealth of information on cancer and services that might be available to you and your mother.

Your mother's doctor can direct you to the hospital social workers who can help you determine what other services and financial assistance might be available to her.

If you are affiliated with a church, those folks are usually willing to help with practical things such as transportation, food and child care. Mine were.

I don't remember a physical smell, but yes. Cancer stinks.

Just endure, Beth.

[NatureJunkie]

Beth, I am so sorry you are going through this.

The odor you describe isn't common in cancer patients, but it isn't rare, either. It often accompanies open wounds and it's possible that your mother has one that you don't know about.

With Stage 4 cancer, and with your father gone, it's very important that you and/or your sister talk to your mom about signing a Durable Power of Attorney document that indicates who she would like to have the legal authority to make decisions for her when she is no longer able to. You don't need to consult an attorney. Just do a search on "Durable Power of Attorney" plus your state, and you will find a site that has documents with instructions that you can printout. You should also talk to your mom about making a "living will." A lot of people are afraid of freaking out their loved one by bringing up the topic of end-of-life matters, but most terminally ill people are longing to discuss these topics and have the same fear about broaching them with their relatives.

Also, check Craigslist.org under your city for support groups for both cancer patients and caregivers. A support group for caregivers will not only help you get through this emotionally, but you will get lots of helpful advice and information from others about dealing with cancer and the medical system and resources in your area.

Losing my mother to cancer was the most difficult thing in my life, but I got through it with a lot of love and support from my family and friends. I hope you will find the same kind of support in your life.

[Cluelesswonder]

Thank y'all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really mean that...I kind of feel like I have to take care of her alone. My family is living with her right now and she is doing pretty well. She has her down days but, I want her to know that she is LOVED and cared for. She adores her grandchildern..and so my kids just gives her all the love they can give. I am not sure how to tell them that grandma will not be with us soon. (I hope the treatment helps her). I can not lie to my children..I have been letting them know that grandma is older and she isn't feeling well all the time.
My children are full of energy and they are so loving and sinsire. They hung my mom alot and my son talks her ear off. She loves every minute of it :)
I guess I am doing my part just being here and listening to her. I love her so much and I know if there was a heaven or whatever...she'll know love.
@JustAnotherUserName...Thanks for suggestion Hospice. That is one thing my family needs to talk about and thanks you too @naturejunkie I will look into those suggestions too. Just I have to get my mom and sister to agree to these suggestions.
Y'all are awesome and once again "thank you"