Losing people you love is so difficult...

[JustDee]

My mother in law has been in the hospital now for almost 2 months. She is almost 85 and has smoked for most of her life. She has emphysema and has had a pace maker for the last 15 years, she is also on blood thinneres. She went into the hospital because she pretty much stopped eating, maybe a couple of ounces of food each day, but it through her meds off, well, the cumaden causing her blood to thin to much and pool around her heart.

So she wound up having some kind of surgical procedure which she survived. She actually started to get better and went home several days later. However, after about 3 days at home, she came down with an infection, a MRCA staph infection. For those of you who do not know, that stands for Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus. Antibiotics can't touch it. They have a few but they are like last ditch efforts. So for the last 2 months they have been doing all they could to cure this infection, which can be fatal in a younger, healthier person. 6 weeks ago, we were told that she had maybe 2 days left, but here we are 6 weeks later and she is still breathing. They almost had it beat once, but it came back stronger and now we are out of options as far as a medical intervention. She has been moved to a nursing facility because there is just nothing left to do.. her organs are slowly failing.

My husband has been in FL the last few days, it will probably be the last time he sees his mom alive. His father has already asked a Priest to come and give her last rites. The thing is that, he, my husband says, that other than being a very tired, she seems fine. She isn't in any pain that he can tell. It is sad, so very very sad... for my husband for sure, for my kids, but for me, there is a certain kind of pain I can't really explain. In some ways, she has been more of a mother to me then my own. When I have been in trouble or needed a friend, it was she that I would turn to. for most of my marriage, almost 25 years now, I would call her every day and we could talk for hours. I love her. We haven't talked alot the last few years because she had such trouble breathing..it was hard to listen to...so I pulled away. I distanced myself because I knew it would come to this.. and THIS is hard for me to deal with...

I should be grateful that she is getting to spend time with her family, that she is not in to much pain, that her death will be peaceful, hopefully while she is asleep, but I am just so scared of living in a world with out her...knowing that when I need to speak to her, she won't be there... selfish, aren't I? Sorry for being a downer, I just needed the universe to know how I was feeling...

[photo2010]

Dee..I'm sorry for your Mother in Law and family. No matter how long we have our loved ones, it's not long enough. We have had a lot of health scares with my Mother recently. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[JustDee]

THANK YOU

[SydTheSkeptic]

You and your mom have come a long way, Dee. I'm sorry you can't be there with Joe and be by her side. ((HUGS))

[JustDee]

I would have liked to have been there, but I think it was fitting that Joe, his father and his sister have this quiet time together. When we went to FL a few weeks ago, all of his aunts and his uncle were there and Aley and her husband were there, so it was really insane. I am really glad that he, Joe had this time to say goodbye...I was thinking of writing a letter to her...I just hope that by the time I decide to do it, it isn't to late...

[Jim]

I would write that letter today, Dee, and maybe give her a call, too, if you feel up to it. You may not have another chance. I've never been close to my mothers-in-law, and I think it's a real blessing that you were. <3

[Pypermarru1]

Hang in. She knows you love her. I trust that she knows.