The Ark

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JustDee's Blog (60)

I've been thinking...

I've been thinking about all the things I have to be sad about....at least I have been trying to think about those things... I haven't had much success. I actually couldn't think of one thing to feel sad or dissatisfied with. It was kind of an eye opener.



I feel happy, really happy and not drug induced happy either, just satisfied with my life.

Don't get me wrong, there are things I would like to have, such as more money, more freedom to travel, more time to myself...but… Continue

Added by JustDee on February 1, 2009 at 3:39pm — 4 Comments

I'm going to be a grandma..... and other things happening in my life

Please bear with me this week, life is about to change drastically.



OK so, here I am, I'm 45 years old and my oldest daughter recently shared with us that she is going to be having a baby in August. She is 23 and engaged and has a 4 year old step son. All she has ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. Although she is one of the brightest people I have ever known, she never wanted to have a fancy job or to change the world, her ambition was to raise her family to the best of her… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 27, 2009 at 3:47pm — 9 Comments

The Walmart sub culture

Today my sister sent me a link:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/1/26/204926/141/205/689339



She sent it to me because I work for Walmart. I work in the fabric and craft department. I hate working for Walmart, I have not been able to put my finger on why, but I do.



I have worked for the last 20 some years in retail management and more recently as an executive assistant for a promotional company. However, with our recent move from NY to TN and the loss of so many… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 27, 2009 at 1:01pm — 6 Comments

Loneliness is an awful price to pay

In recent weeks, because of my own journey, I have begun to research the reasons behind loneliness. What I found out surprised me. I actually blogged about it last week but I took it down after a comment was left that hurt my feelings. This, in and of itself, proved to me how sensitive a subject this was for me.



I grew up in a family of 7, I had 2 brothers and 2 sisters (although my youngest sister was not born until I was 15). You would think that I was never lonely, but I was… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 26, 2009 at 8:55am — 2 Comments

An update on my "Happy Therapy"

It has been approx 4 days since I last blogged about my intention to live in laughter, I have since dubbed this my "Happy Therapy". I would like to share with you my observations from the last few days but before I go there, I should explain some other things also.



after my "laughter in the rain blog" I blogged about loneliness. It was, in my humble opinion a pretty good blog. "Why don't you see it?" you may ask, well, someone left a "not nice" comment on it and I let it bother me… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 25, 2009 at 11:04pm — 7 Comments

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...



If you haven't already seen it, I posted a discussion on the forums for jokes, funny stories and funny pictures.. please feel free to check it out and after a good chuckle, maybe you can add to it.



Today, I am happy... I didn't want to be, in fact, last night I was working on a great big pity party for myself, but today I woke up and decided that I would be happy instead.



I can't even tell you why I was feeling sorry for… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 21, 2009 at 1:51pm — 2 Comments

I hear laughter in the rain....

well, it seems I have blogged everyday since I started to blog here, so although I don't have anything in particular I feel the need to get off my chest, a lot has been going on in my life these last few days. Something very unexpected... I feel better.



I have laughed more in the last few days then I have ever laughed in my life and it was more cathartic then crying ever was. The act of being able to look at my life and actually laugh at myself and my idiocy at times... I am NOT… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 19, 2009 at 5:00pm — 5 Comments

Thats the story of... thats the glory of love

Suzecue had an interesting comment in my last blog about my first boyfriend. I recently found out that he was in prison for 15 years for making meth.









"what is it about past loves doing jail time? I am sure that if we were still in their lives, they would have been law-abiding citizens. yea, right... "



It is kind of true isn't it? It is almost egotistical to believe that with just the power of our love we could save the people in our lives from… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 18, 2009 at 6:30am — 4 Comments

Photographs and memories...

Geez,, all of my blogs are so full of blah blah blah...



me, me, me, me, me!



Does anyone have a violin...?



this one I hope will be a bit more funny.



Have you ever looked up and old love? I'm sure we all have an image in our head as to where someone we knew "way back when" must be now, at least I know I did. Will with this wonderful invention (you know the one Al Gore invented) the "internet", we can now find our past loves and friends in almost the… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 17, 2009 at 10:30am — 13 Comments

Check out the pics of Syd and I from when we were kids

they are at the bottom of my page.. I never realized how often my mother dressed us alike... and no, we aren't twins... Syd just always wanted to be just like her older sister...



that's our older brother stuck in between us and my mom in the first one.



She made most of our clothes, at least the dress up ones.



I had forgotten what we looked like.



Thanks for sending those pics to me Syd, of course, if you hadn't of stolen all of our childhood photos.. I… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 16, 2009 at 12:49pm — 5 Comments

I'll get by with a little help from my friends...

I am just now waking up (it's 12:30 pm) because I was up till 6 am this morning talking to a friend on oovoo. It was my first experience with a video phone call and we had a blast.



I was in a pretty foul mood (still left over from yesterday morning) but it didn't take long for us to get laughing. That has been sadly missing for the last few years. Oh don't get me wrong, I have laughed, but not like last night.



I love my family, and sometimes I even like spending time with… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 16, 2009 at 12:46pm — 2 Comments

Do I have to say the words...Do I have to tell the truth?

So today is another day and where am I at, almost back to where I started it seems.



How is it that with one spoken sentence I can be right back to where I started?



Why do I let people have such power over me?



Why is it that I need the approval of others?



Why do I feel the power of others disapproval so much more strongly then that of their love?



Oh God, I am so tired of hearing myself talk. I am so tired of the voices in my head telling me… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 15, 2009 at 10:00am — 1 Comment

Feelings...nothing more then feelings...

I'm feeling a little melancholy today. I'm not really sure why. I have a killer headache, that could have something to do with it, after all, who can be happy when they don't feel to good.



I've actually been feeling so much lately. It's like a kaleidoscope of feelings. It seems so long since I really allowed myself to feel anything... so this is kind of scary.



I don't know when it happened, when I shut down but I know that I did. Maybe I didn't shut down as much as… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 14, 2009 at 7:19pm — 10 Comments

Day 2

OK, so I'm not going to post what I eat everyday, I am going to keep a private food journal.



Its about being aware of what goes into my mouth... sort of like setting up a house hold budget. I am hoping it will become second nature after awhile to wake up and eat my breakfast, it isn't now.



it was almost 3 before I ate anything today and then I went to a buffet with my daughter.. I know, what a loser.. 2nd day of diet and she falls off the wagon... but I didn't, not… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 13, 2009 at 8:15pm — 3 Comments

Whats love got to do with it?

Where do you go when your heart is broken? Who do you turn to? What if the person you would usually turn to, is the person who has broken your heart?



How do you recover from something like that? To put your faith, love and trust in someone, only to have them stomp on it and make you feel like you aren't worth the air it takes to fill your lungs.



Seriously, how do you recover after something like that? I don't know if I could. I don't know if I would. No, I would and I… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 13, 2009 at 12:18pm — 2 Comments

Day 1.... only 546 more to go...

day 1 of program:

weight:260

work out: 20 min

Food: breakfast- fruit salad

lunch: lean cuisine chicken panini (330 cal)

Dinner: Ruby Tuesdays- Salad (mescaline mix, mushrooms, cherry tomatos,1 tsp sunflower seeds, zucchini, croutons, 4 tbls dressing)

Turkey burger (no bread)1 slice of swiss cheese, 1/8 of an avocado ( YUMMY)

Water-32 oz



So today was my first day of eating better and all in all, I did ok.



I woke up late, so I didn't have… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 12, 2009 at 11:30pm — 1 Comment

Am I a real girl?

Who the hell am I? I sure don't know, I wonder if I ever knew.



First I was a daughter and a sister. Later, I became a friend and a lover and later still a wife and mother. Each of those rolls came with a set of instructions, a way I was supposed to be and feel so I never had to put to much thought into what I wanted or how I felt.



As a the oldest daughter and sister, I became the stand in for my mother. One time in particular, my mother took a short "emotional vacation"… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 11, 2009 at 10:36pm — 4 Comments

In the beginning....

It was on July 30,1963 that I breathed my first breath...45 1/2 years later... I'm still waiting to exhale.



LOL... in my mind I have been writing my life story throughout my life and when ever anything big happens, I rename the book and come up with a new first sentence.



So you have all just witnessed the first line of my auto biography, what did you think?



How do people do this, just poor themselves into these things? Let's see, just to chronicle where I am at… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 10, 2009 at 12:00pm — 2 Comments

I resolve to....

So lets see, for my second act, lets see if I can keep it light and airy.



Life is OK. I don't really like where I am, but I think I am going to like where I am going. I have decided that I am not going to just go with the "flow" any longer, just trying to navigate around what life throws at me. This year I am going to "create" the life that I want to live.



I have decided to use this blog to keep myself real and to have a "journal" if you well of my… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 10, 2009 at 8:30am — 3 Comments

Things I would have said if I knew you were leaving:

So, this is going to be my first blog entry and I thought I would keep it light and airy but I have a lot on my mind these last few weeks, most of which have to do with my dad.



My dad passed away a few years ago and I miss him terribly. I still go to pick up the phone when something goes right or wrong in my life, he is still the first person I want to talk to. He always made me feel like he loved me the most (I had 2 sisters and 2 brothers). My dad was no saint, in fact, he was a… Continue

Added by JustDee on January 9, 2009 at 4:00am — 3 Comments

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